“dude, what are you doing?” – dude in public restroom 5/15/19

I don’t know if you know me, but I have a habit of staring at things/(i.e. humans) without realizing I’m staring. They might even give me the “step off” face while I’m staring, and my dopy eyes will just hang true on the target, not noticing the awkwardness they are feeling.

The quote above came during one of these moments when I was peeing in a urinal next to a person, and staring at the porcelain surface of his urinal trying to calculate how many ounces of water I had drank in the past 3 hours. After, I’m guessing, about 10 seconds, he/she/ze/ve/xe popped the question above.  Naturally, I gave him a wink kissed him on the cheek.  Smooch

Just kidding, I’m not sure what I did, probably just chuckled to myself and apologized.

But his question hit me on a level far deeper than they intended. What am I doing? For the past 8 years my life has been oriented around one thing: get into medical school. In fact, more accurately put, it has been: get into the “best” (whatever that means) medical schools in the country.  Well, my first try, I failed. I got into zero schools. But my second go round I got into several schools, a few of which being in this nebulous “best” category. 

Sounds great! Right? Well, it is. But my extreme, future-oriented brain was reeling for a new goal quickly after. I came up with a few, but they only pertained to short term things like “earn this much money”, “record this many episodes”, “finish project in the lab”, etc. Quickly, I realized these goals were too easily completed, too short term, and my life began to feel vapid, lacking any robustness.

Prior to matriculating school, I rose everyday and rested my head every night with purpose. Afterwards, my purpose was gone.  So now I am working on putting a new goal ahead of me. I want to be a neurosurgeon, should I set this new goal as “get into the best neurosurgical residency in the country?” or maybe “get the best board scores possible so that I can enter the best residency?” or maybe “stop staring at dudes in the bathroom.”

Anyways, I encourage you all to write down a why. Even more, write a goal that maybe isn’t so static. Just something to think about. Enjoy you’re your day today!

WOD: nebulous